The month of June has literally been a roller coaster ride for myself. The emotions I have experienced have been anywhere from excited and joyful to down right frustrated and depressed. Through all of this perseverance I feel like I am becoming a more genuine follow of my Jesus. I feel like I am to the point where I am yearning Him, because I have nothing else to yearn. Nothing else is going to make me feel the way He does.
A few nights ago I felt as if I had hit rock bottom. I have not been living the life I was created for. I've truthfully been living a life for me, and not for God. I sat down and started writing in my good ol' notebook. I created a list of the reasons why I thought I was depressed.
1. Worried about the future (School, a job, Taylor)
2. No accountability
3. Neglecting church and the Word
4. Personal dislikes about myself
As I was going through the Bible searching for answers, I came across my you version account on line. For that moment I put off my list and started looking through the website. I'm easily distracted might I add! I decided to look through the new reading plans that had been added since I had last been on. I discovered one I thought I would enjoy and checked out that days plan.
The very first thing I read was this.
I am worn out from sobbing. All night I flood my bed with weeping, drenching it with my tears. Psalm 6:6
This particular verse is about David pouring out his all and being completely honest with God. Even though God has our life planned out right in front of Him, He still wants to hear from us. He wants to hear our pain and agony. He wants to know what is upsetting us to the point where we feel like we can not go on. He wants us to turn to Him and say "okay God, I can't do this on my own like I thought I could." The sentence at the end of this content really caught my eye.
"Be honest with God, and he will help you turn your attention from yourself to him and his mercy."
I will be completely honest, here lately my attention has been directed at me and only me. What will be best for me, what happens if I don't get into school, will I be able to find a job if I don't get in to school? All these thoughts have been racing through my mind. But you know what, it's not about me. It's about the One who can and will take all this pain away.
So God, here is my attention directed rightfully at You, and only You.